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I Missed Phylicia Rashad… and the Lesson Broke My Heart
- Just An Uppity Black Woman
- Aug 3
- 3 min read
Updated: Aug 4
Lesson on missing an opportunity to see my fave icon
This weekend, I had to sit with a painful realization.
I missed the opportunity to attend the Black International Film Festival. Not because I couldn’t get there. Not because I couldn’t take off work. Not because it was across the country.
I missed it because I wasn’t intentional.
The part that stings the most?
The festival was in my own city.
The venue was literally within walking distance from where I live.
And one of my lifelong icons, Phylicia Rashad, was there.
Yes, that Phylicia Rashad.
The woman whose grace, elegance, intelligence, and quiet confidence helped shape the image of womanhood for so many Black girls. A woman who has consistently represented dignity in a world that often rewards noise over substance.
She was right there.
And I wasn’t.
When I realized what I had missed, I felt disappointed—not because I believe another opportunity will never come, but because I recognized something about myself that I needed to confront.
I had not prepared for the life I say I want.
Opportunity Rarely Knocks Loudly
Many of us imagine opportunities arriving with flashing lights and plenty of warning.
But that’s rarely how life works. Sometimes opportunities whisper. Sometimes they’re announced months in advance. Sometimes they’re sitting on a calendar, waiting for someone to decide they’re worth making time for. The women who seem to always be “in the room” usually aren’t lucky.
They’re intentional.
They make space.
They save the date.
They buy the ticket.
They arrange childcare.
They set reminders.
They choose their future before the day arrives.
Black Women Are Experts at Surviving
As Black and Brown women, we’ve mastered survival. We know how to respond to emergencies. We know how to put out fires. We know how to show up for everyone else.
But many of us have never learned how to intentionally pursue experiences that nourish us.
We tell ourselves we’ll go “next year.”
We’ll do it “when life settles down.”
“When I have more money.”
“When the kids are older.”
“When work slows down.”
But life keeps moving.
The opportunities keep passing. And one day, we look back, realizing we were so busy surviving that we forgot to actually live.
The Cost of Waiting
Missing this event wasn’t just about seeing a celebrity. It was about missing an environment filled with Black excellence. It was about being in rooms where filmmakers, artists, creators, entrepreneurs, and visionaries gather. It was about conversations that could have inspired me.
Connections that could have been made. Ideas that could have been born.
Representation that could have filled my cup. Sometimes the greatest value isn’t the keynote speaker.
It’s the room.
It’s the people sitting beside you.
It’s the atmosphere that reminds you that your dreams are possible.
Your Future Requires Intention
One thing I’ve learned is this:
The woman you want to become doesn’t accidentally arrive at extraordinary experiences.
She plans for them.
She creates margin in her schedule.
She protects her calendar.
She stops waiting for life to happen and starts participating in it.
Intentional living isn’t about having unlimited money.
It’s about aligning your priorities with your values.
If elegance matters to you, attend elegant spaces.
If education matters, go hear brilliant people speak.
If community matters, show up where your people gather.
If your growth matters, stop treating yourself like an afterthought.
A Promise to Myself
So this article isn’t really about the event I missed.
It’s about the woman I’m becoming.
The woman who no longer waits until the last minute.
The woman who doesn’t assume another opportunity will come around.
The woman who intentionally creates a life she’s excited to wake up to.
Because the truth is, opportunities don’t only change our calendars.
They change us.
And next time excellence comes to my city—even if it’s only a five-minute walk away—I won’t admire it from social media after it’s over.
I’ll already be in the room.
Dear Black Woman,
What opportunity have you been telling yourself you’ll get around to “one day”?
The conference?
The class?
The brunch?
The networking event?
The museum?
The concert?
The trip?
The book signing?
Stop waiting for permission to live.
Your future isn’t built by wishing you had gone.
It’s built by deciding that next time, you will.
Because the rooms you’re afraid to enter may be the very rooms that introduce you to the woman you’ve been praying to become.
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