Dear Black Woman: Give Yourself What You Need

This morning, I woke up sore.

Not the kind of soreness that makes you want to complain, but the kind that reminds you your body has been working hard. Every muscle ached from yesterday’s workout.

My first instinct was to push through it. After all, there was work to do, content to create, emails to answer, and responsibilities waiting for me.

But then I stopped.

Instead of asking myself, “What do I have to get done?” I asked a different question:

“What do I need right now?”

The answer came almost immediately.

I needed an Epsom salt bath.

So that’s exactly what I gave myself.

Before I opened my laptop.

Before I checked my notifications.

Before I poured into anyone else.

I poured into myself.

By the time I stepped out of the tub, the aches had subsided. My muscles had relaxed. My mind was clearer. I was able to begin my day feeling refreshed instead of forcing myself to operate from discomfort.

And it reminded me of something I wish more Black women understood.

Stop Waiting for Someone Else to Rescue You

So many of us have been conditioned to wait.

We wait for someone to notice we’re tired.

We wait for someone to offer help.

We wait for someone to tell us it’s okay to rest.

We wait for someone to care for us the way we care for everyone else.

But the truth is…

Many times, that person isn’t coming.

Not because people don’t love you, but because they may not recognize what you need in the moment. They can’t always feel what your body feels. They can’t hear the quiet conversations happening in your mind.

That responsibility belongs to you.

Become the Woman Who Responds to Herself

There is something incredibly feminine about responding to your own needs without guilt.

Your body says, “I’m exhausted.”

You answer with rest.

Your mind says, “I’m overwhelmed.”

You answer with peace.

Your spirit says, “I need quiet.”

You answer by turning off the noise.

Your emotions say, “I need to cry.”

You answer by giving yourself permission to feel.

That is self-respect.

That is emotional maturity.

That is what it looks like to nurture yourself instead of abandoning yourself.

Survival Mode Teaches You to Ignore Yourself

Many Black women have spent years in survival mode.

Survival mode teaches you to keep going even when your body is begging you to stop.

It convinces you that your value is measured by your productivity.

It tells you that resting is lazy, asking for help is weakness, and taking care of yourself can wait until everyone else is okay.

But your body keeps the score.

Ignored exhaustion becomes burnout.

Ignored stress becomes chronic tension.

Ignored emotions become resentment.

Ignored needs become silent suffering.

Healing often begins with one simple question:

“What do I need right now?”

Then having the courage to actually give it to yourself.

You Don’t Need Permission

You don’t need permission to take a nap.

You don’t need permission to drink more water.

You don’t need permission to eat nourishing food.

You don’t need permission to say no.

You don’t need permission to take a bath, go for a walk, journal, pray, or simply sit in silence.

You don’t have to earn care.

You deserve it because you are human.

Start Becoming a Safe Place for Yourself

One of the greatest acts of femininity is becoming a woman who creates safety for herself.

Not waiting for someone else to anticipate every need.

Not expecting the world to slow down on your behalf.

But learning to pause long enough to ask yourself what your body, mind, and spirit are asking for—and responding with compassion.

This morning, my body needed warmth, stillness, and recovery.

So I listened.

It was a small decision, but it changed the course of my entire day.

Dear Black woman, I hope you’ll do the same.

Today, instead of asking yourself what everyone else needs from you, ask yourself one question:

What do I need in this moment?

Then, as much as you’re able, give yourself exactly that.

Because the relationship you have with yourself sets the standard for every other relationship in your life.

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